Alcohol quotes

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. (Frank Zappa)
• Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. (Ernest Hemingway)
• Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. (Winston Churchill)
• He was a wise man who invented beer. (Plato)
• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. (W.C. Fields)
• "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." (Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)
  "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." (His reply)
• Work is the curse of the drinking class. (Oscar Wilde)
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. (Henny Youngman)
• Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Benjamin Franklin)
• If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. (Deep Thought, Jack Handy)
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. (Dave Barry)
• The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. (Humphrey Bogart)
• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. (David Moulton)
• People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. (Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI)
• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. (Kaiser Wilhelm)
• I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. (Homer Simpson)
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. (Dave Barry)
• I drink to make other people interesting. (George Jean Nathan)
• They who drink beer will think beer. (Washington Irving)
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. (For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway)
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. (Dean Martin)
• All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. (Homer Simpson)