The Rural Australia Thesaurus of Computer Terminology

• Log On - Make the barbie hotter
• Log Off - Don't add any more wood
• Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbie
• Download - Get the firewood off the ute
• Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once
• Window - What you shut when it's cold
• Screen - What you shut in the mozzie season
• Byte - What mozzies do
• Bit - What mozzies did
• Mega Byte - What Townsville mozzies do
• Chip - A bar snack
• Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
• Modem - What you did to the lawns
• Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
• Laptop - Where the cat sleeps
• Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster
• Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
• Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed
• Mainframe - What holds the shed up
• Web - What spiders make
• Web Site - The shed or under the verandah
• Cursor - The old bloke that swears a lot
• Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go
• Upgrade - A steep hill
• Server - The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
• Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
• User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing things
• Network - When you have to repair your fishing net
• Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
• Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
• Online - When you get the laundry hung out
• Off Line - When the pegs don't hold the washing up